ouijevis //

Okay,

so writers block is over.

I think I just needed something to really push me in order to write anything worth writing about. Fuck grammar by the way - I am tired and I am lazy ...thus I just don't really give a damn.

--

So what did it today? Was it the weather? No. The weather was quite alright, I stayed home but it looked like a nice day - and the temperature seems to be getting better as we get farther into spring. Did I meet a weird person again ? No, not today ...but I should make note of that for next time, because I have been encountering some odd shit lately. Actually, you know what? Let me get into that right now.

What is it...with these fucking sorry ass  men, of all shapes and sizes and age groups...trying ..to .."holla" though?

I swear, I just don't understand for the life of me.
ESPECIALLY OLD GUYS. I don't know if they are dealing with something mentally, but I think they need to bring a mirror with them on the street. So that they can look at their reflection before talking to me. I always get some old ass guy saying "Hey, Hey sweetie. Hey." - I will hold off on the argument that I am not his sweetie and that is not how to approach someone and all that jazz, because what I WANT to get in on FIRST is: What makes you think, a young 20 year old woman like myself...will look at you? Why are you so confident for? Its ridiculous...its not even like he can rationalize the shit and say "I am a billionaire and I got so much money she can't resist!" ...its just..I  can't even find the words right now.

I just don't understand.
I get it - pussy is pussy and if they can get it they will try.
However, can people just be realistic with themselves for a quick moment?
You are like...60.
Come on bruhv. Come the hell on.

-EXHALE-

Alright, so...
I am walking and I am on the phone ...first of all - how rude is it that you are trying to get my attention when I am on the phone. Its so rude - like fuck you man, you are not helping me pay any bills or donating to this phone and my contract so don't even try to interrupt me.
So I am walking, right. I am walking and I am on the phone and minding my own business, not looking at anyone and this old man is walking in my direction. I barley notice him, however I hear someone saying "Hi. Hi sweetie. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi" - I am being dead serious right now. I glanced at him at like the 3rd Hi and kept walking. I had headphones in, so - I wasn't even sure what he wanted. Quite frankly I had thought he needed directions. We were in a pathway area where people take walks and bike and such, so maybe this old man was lost!? So I let him walk off and thought, well - if he really needs help he will come back and get my attention.

You see that?

See how I saw that old man, and automatically thought he was a lost poor old man?
Old black man, may have needed help out of the park...is what I thought.
You see how that works?
ANY SEXUAL OR ROMANTIC SHIT IS JUST TOTALLY OUT OF MY MIND in regards to the elderly. Even if you looked like Teddy Pendergrass, it just isn't going to happen. Besides that, you'd have to look like a young Teddy or some shit...I am totally joking.

Okay, so .. that is out of my system.

Now on to why I had come across the oddest article in my life.
I have been looking for work opportunities as I have mentioned times before, so I have been looking for anything. In that "looking for anything" there are ads up for writing. I decided to check some out. I thought I would be good for the job, and decided to get familiar with the site. I came across some of their categories and they had some "Life Hacks". I thought to myself, maybe I would like to write for these people. In the list of articles under the "Life Hacks", there was an article about being Passive Aggressive and How to Do it Successfully. So, wait - I am guessing that, they are promoting something,  that in many cases (if not all) are seen as a fault? I skimmed the article. I didn't bother to read. At the end of the article, the writer seemed quite proud of himself.

I don't know if I can get in shit for taking his article and dissecting it right on here, so I won't.
However.. I will say...

Doing shit like:
Holding the elevator for a long period of time in order to look polite.
Picking up something somebody dropped, and continuously dropping it so that they have to pick it up for YOU.
And "round-about douche-baggery is...not..okay..

I admit, I am passive aggressive. I am not proud of it, and I am working on it. I am not as bad as this guy, for sure.
I don't hold the elevator if I feel like someone is sketchy or weird. In fact I press that DOOR CLOSE button 20 times.

I help people too much to actively drop the things they dropped so that they have to pick it up themselves. Do you know how much work that is? To even bother with it is ridiculous..You can either say "Hey, you dropped something" and add the bonus of picking it up or not.


Even if this article was a joke, is it not better to talk about how to be a better person? How to be a forward and non-sketchy ass dick? Excuse my language... not really...but you know, I am having trouble filtering myself today.

Everyone is such a piss off sometimes.

Instead of apologizing for taking my stuff, because I have been so nice to you to NOT say anything - you think giving me something to replace it is better? No. Its either you just stay proud that you didn't talk about it, and didn't apologize or you do. Cause really, that just makes it look like you don't give a shit. You just think you can romp around in my things and hand me a quarter later.

No.

That isn't how it works man.

How about...
instead of pretending to want to hold a door to look polite - just be you. You either want to be a good person or you don't.  I am not going to hold a door for 10 minutes to look like a good person, if I am late for class and got to go...I am holding the door for whoever is behind me and going about my day. Besides that, people don't even say thank you out here. One time I just dropped the door on a fool, for not saying thank you. He thought I was going to hold the next door but...no. I am not a door lady. Even if I was - you'd have to say thank you.

Okay I am rambling.

I don't understand people who change for people. As in - people who become something they are not- and will never ever be.

Do you boo boo.
If you're not genuinely doing something - don't do it.
It will be half-ass.
People will notice.
Generally, when people notice they get upset or irritated.
You'll get fired from a job. You will get shit friends. People will treat you like shit, since they don't usually respect people who half-ass life.


If you really have to (like getting coffee for your boss) - try to find the beauty in it (It's an internship... you'll get an upgrade..) . However, if you really can't do it and it disturbs your inner being. Don't.

I won't.


Anyway, I am cool now.

Goodnight. Have a good tomorrow.

Oh yes.

You want to know how I know this is only DAY ONE of the rest of my life? Well even if you don't want to know, I'm going to tell you....
I finally figured out what I'm going to try and pursue in life, and it feels good! I always thought it was not fair, when all my other friends and classmates KNEW WHAT THEY WANTED TO BE FROM TIME..while I was stuck thinking "double you tee effs....i'm so fuckin lost."
See:

at first i wanted to be a writer, ever since i was a child, i would write stories and read them to my younger sister. They are pretty good, I have read them over recently.
Cute stories about the ongoing adventures of a young girl who sees weird mystical shit an saves villages and people and animals or species...even one with mermaids.
It was like a tricked out version of Dora The Explorer.

And this was before Dora....I could've been AWESOME.

Thats was what I had hopes on since I was six...until I reached the age of twelve.

This was when my family was telling me a bunch of shit that being a writer was not a REAL career, it won't get me anywhere and to pursue something else, because Writing is worthless. So I decided that I'd move from that dream and become a lawyer. I do not know why the fuck I wanted to do that, but I had that dream for 3 or 4 years thinking "Yeah, I'll become a successful lawyer and makes shit loads of MOOLAH and show everyone how great us black women can be."

Then in grade 10, i realized I didn't really want to be a lawyer, and if I did it wasn't for me, it was for the rest of my ethnic race. It really started when I was with my Dad at parent teacher interviews and my science teacher asked me "What do you want to do?" and I honestly said:

"Well miss. I wanted to be a lawyer, but was thinking about it and...law is REALLY REALLY REALLY boring."

She laughed. But I was dead serious. (I am one of those people who are really honest, and you should see me high..im like so honest its crazy. I say things that really should NOT be said) So I exited from that dream and went to the fricken twilight zone, cause I was soo lost. I didn't know what I was going to do, I was always back and forth.
Film maker?
Actress?
Script Writer?
That background music person?
Im very much into the arts....

So Saturday I was thinking about what the HELL I am going to do with my GOTdamn life...
and at exactly 11:00pm I figured it out...
I'm not going to tell you, I really enjoy it and always loved to do it.

It was the first time that options came in and I was exactly sure of what I wanted to do. I filled out my option sheet in like fifteen minutes. (options for the 4th/last year of H.S)

IM FRICKEN SCARED.

I SORT OF THINK I AM NOT READY FOR LIFE!!

I am SHIT at being a loner....though a friend and I are applying to the same Uni, doesn't mean we are both getting in!!
I know she'll get in for sure, me on the other hand... -cries-
I really hope they dont pay TOO MUCH attention to your 3rd year marks and attendance. I WAS LATE A LOT last semester. I don't know why.
Me=sucha failure.

But yeah, I'm sure of what I want, and very happy about it.

MOVING ALONG...
I was on the bus going home from Night School (which i am taking to upgrade my english mark hopefully to an 87% at least!), and my friend get off the bus and I look to the side i see this black dude with tattoos all over his neck, sporting ALL BLACK:
Black fitted.
Black Hoodie.
Black Jacket.
Black Jeans.
Black Shoes.
Like he honestly looked like he was on a mission to go shoot up somesone's wife kids and grandmother all for the fact that he didn't get back some money.


AND HE'S STARRING AT ME LIKE HE'S GONNA DIG ME UP!!

So I kind of look away and wait patiently for my stop. All of a sudden I feel a poke on my elbow, and I turn:(this was honestly how the conversation went. EXACTLY.)
"What's your name?" he says.
"What?"
"What's your name?"
"Oh, uh...I don't give my name to strangers....."
"Oh, I see..." -pause- "Can I get your number?"
"Uh, funy thing about that is, my grandma saw my phone bill and took my phone away so I realy dont have a phone right now. Im dead serious."
(I was dead serious too.)
So he nods and turns away.
"So, do you have a pen, so you can take down MY number?"
"Uh...no." (lie)
So now he sucks his teeth, then searches through his pockets for a penand sucks his teeth again.
"I don't have a pen either..."
-I nod in akwardness-
So now I see him at the corner of my eye STARRING AT ME and shaking his head and sucking his teeth.
"So, I can't get to know you better then?"
"Uh...No. I guess not."
"Well, youre cute."
"What?"
"You're cute still."
"What?"
"You are cute. Still."
"Oh. Um, thank you."
.....
My stop comes, and so to be nice i wave at him before making my exit from the bus and from his life. He was scary, but nice oddly. Though, he isn't my type. But it's always the not so great guys, or the guys you are DEFINITELY NOT interested in, that decide to make a move and talk to you. Notice?
But whatever, I ma staying FAR FAR FAR Away from dudes right about now, cause I seriously cannot be bothered by the crazy ass stupid shit that goes on when I don't stay far away.


Im off to finsih the rest of my physics homework and go to bed.

BTW: Watch Slumdog Millionaire. It is REALLY REALLY EXCELLENT!
S'laters.
<33
-Sharz.