ouijevis //

I Love You, Ono - Stereo Total

This song is quite catchy, from that new Dell Commercial.
The song as a whole is so annoying though.

Well anyways, I was at my dad's house earlier this afternoon and he comes home and asks me "How's your hair doing?"
Me: "Good."
"Feeling natural?"
"Yup.."
"Can you comb through it?"
"Yeah, when it wet that is..."
"Whaaa!?"
"Yeah, why?"
"I can't comb through mine EVEN WHEN ITS WET!"
"Really? Thats weird..."
"Yeah, it like auurg" -mimes himself trying to comb through his hair-
"Well, that is probably cause you're combing starting from the scalp."

P A U S E

"You're doing that aren't you...."
"Well, uh. Yeah. Where are you supposed to comb from?"
"THE ENDS!!"
"Oh..."
"Gosh Dad, you're breaking your hair that way..."
"That explains the hair that is all over the place when i'm done combing my hair..."
"Oh my gosh."
My Little Sister: "Wow, even I knew that.."

"Well, I'm going to go take a shower now...and detangle"

Well, i felt smart and know-it-allish.
Haha!

I can't believe my Dad ddn't know that, and he's been natural for a LONG time, so that means he was detangling like that for months and months now. Since he cut off his dreds around 9 or 10 months ago.

-S'laters!
<33
-M.M

I f you don't feel like reading about my shitty life right now, LOL , then go ahead and listen to this song which i like.



Whoot for Grey's Anatomy which is where i first heard this song.

anyways:


WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay.
I have this issue, where my mother is a total failure in my grandmother's eyes, she was a wise young girl and could've been the hottest and most successful shit...and instead got mixed with my dad, knocked up, and had me.

Alright.

So now , I'm living with my grandmother because of a long story that I won't get into, but bottom line is she is not fit to take care of me and my dad handed me over to my grandmother so i could see my mom more often. Okay understood. My grandmother is always putting all this MOTHERFUCKING SHIT on me about how I have to be the greatest cause both my parents are douchebags and nobodies and I have to come out like something. At least so that my Mother's failures can be pushed aside because it would probably be somewhat cancelled out by my Success.

It's like my whole entire GOTDAMN life revolves around the failure of my Mom.

I DON'T WANT TO DO SHIT FOR OTHER PEOPLE, I WANT TO DO SHIT FOR MYSELF!

Like what the fuck?

I hate when i get lectures like that, and I hate when people call my mom a failure, cause it wasn't even her fault. Truth be motherfucking told she is mentally unstable right now....she's been that way since my dad broke it off with her, when i was like 2 years old. The only reason why she is depressed like that is cause she's one of those exxes that can't let go. I don't want to be like that, though i can tell already that I'm sort of like her in that sense, just a bit stronger.

My grandma busts through my door again this afternoon before going to work and says :
CLEAN UP THE HOUSE CAUSE MY SISTER COMING TOMORROW, AND IF YOU DON'T THEN IM THROWING OUT YOUR LAPTOP. And you can't do anything to me afterwards, and then im sending you to your dads.

And i'm thinking: What the fuck, you just told me earlier this morning how i should focus on school do my work and all this shit and now you threating to throw out my laptop, which is where i get most of my hmwk done!?

Then I say: Well by the way i have to go to my friend's and finish my Islam project tomorrow.

She yells (literally screaming): YOU AREN'T GOING NO FUCKING WHERE, CAUSE MY SISTER'S COMING TOMORROW SO YOU FUCKING STAYING HOME!

I'm thinking: WHAT THE FUCK?!? Now i can't even go finish my religion project? how the fuck a i supposed to get my work done and keep my grades up if you're going to stay there and tel me not to do my shit and prohibit me from getting it done at my friend's house. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK!

I'm so speechless cause its so fucking stupid.

like i don't even know where the fuck to begin.

I'm obviously going to go anyway, and do my project then go to this little jam afterwards cause i was invited. Fuckit. Like i don't even care right about now. I'm going to clean the house, then chill with my little sister today go for a walk, cause the day is beautiful and just hang out with my dad. Do my project Saturday, go to this small jam, then go see my mother on Sunday...

I love my parents, and I don't care if people want to say they're fucked up or whatever, cause they're my fucked up parents. My dad doesn't treat my mother the best but, oh well at least he takes care of his business the best way he can, even if it isn't up to standard. I'm easy to please, as long as you're making an effort its fine. I love my mother the most for still trying. I lost her gold chain and cried cause thats all i have left from her to keep forever, and now its gone. FUCK. But i still love her and i can hold on to that.
Ugh. Fuck this life right now.

Sorry for talking about my effed up life lately, i'm surely going to get on with the Hairyness soon...just you got to pay attention to the title of this Blog:

Mesi.Mosie EMANCIPATED
Emancipated=Liberated
Liberated :

1.	to set free, as from imprisonment or bondage.

2.	to free (a nation or area) from control by a foreign or oppressive government.

3.	to free (a group or individual) from social or economic constraints or discrimination, esp. arising from traditional role expectations or bias.

4. To set free, as from oppression, confinement, or foreign control.

Emancipated:

1.	not constrained or restricted by custom, tradition, superstition, etc.: a modern, emancipated woman.

2.	freed, as from slavery or bondage.

I wish I could really be emancipated...
I've already been emancipated from the bonds of relaxed hair by cutting it all off...Haha. Now I just need to be freed from my current shit...

-sigh-

<33
S'laters
-M.M

My sleep schedule is sooo screwed.
I go home and sleep from 4 - 10 then 10-2am.
or from 6-11:30 then 11:30-1:20am.

Then I'm awake for the rest of the day.

It's like I live in another time zone or something.

Okay so it turns out this girl who likes my ex is now single, though her boyfriend, or should I say, her ex-boyfriend is the HOTTEST little man on the FACE OF THE EARTH! Like oh em gee, this is what I mean when I say Jamaicans are not merked, unless they are mixed with something else. OKAY!?!? I'm sorry, but I take pride in the beauty of my people. (LOL)

I'm not even going to begin to talk to him though, even if he looks at me all the time. Half of me says I should do it, since she's always flirting with my ex in my face every day fourth period, but I'm better than that. I don't need to set out revenge,even though this is the same chick who stole my lotion, stole my gold chain and still acts like my bessie everyday. Damnit. I need to stop being so forgiving and nice and get her back. But I'm just not like that, you know? I have too much pride to lower mysef to her level....

Whateves, it doesn't even matter, I'll see how things go tomorrow, if they flirt even harder now that she's single. That will determine our fate, as my grandmother would say. Haha.

Nothing extremely exciting to say, all I've been doing is fricken going to school, eating, showering and sleeping for two days in a row. I ditched night school again today, cause after a day school trip I had I didn't feel like attending since I was too tired.

I feel Bad for this dude at school, who likes one of my outside of school friends, and I try to give him hope, knowing there is no hope for him. He is not exactly ugly or anything, he's just a bit of a hardcore ganja smoker and gets drunk and high and then comes to class, and he's not dumb or anything but, he acts dumb, cause of the weed and alcohol most likely. Ugh. She would never go for him. She doesn't see into those kind of dudes, I know I'M NOT. However, I promised him I would try...and I am trying, but she's not making an effort, and he is making too much of an effort. You know?

Kids these days.

So much for my diet, I fully had cake, pie, chocolate fondue strawberries and 5 beef patties, one being Halal and no excersise. Well, I lie...cause I excersise in gym, but besides that....no excersise.

Random, I know....but this whole post is random!

My hair feels dry, I should moisturize it.
WHAT A TRANSITION THIS HAS BEEN:























































































S'later!
<33
-M.M

I woke up.

I was going to be late for school this morning, however since my grandmother is a little BIZNIATCH at times, I decided to leave the house....though I was going to stay home and sleep until the time came round where I would be able to get to school on time for second period. Something in my gut told me that today was going to be one of those days, so I left the house and sat on my porch like thing, right beneath the door so no one would see me and just stayed there. Cold, rainy and windy outside, while I wore my kilt and sat on the concrete ground waiting for the perfect time to leave. After that time came around, which was about 9:15(45 minutes later) I ran to the bus stop... I ran cause I felt like it. No real reason. I just ran to see if it could make me feel better, it didn't work though. Possibly cause I was cold, wet, and weighed down by my backpack. Whatever, I got the bus and got to school just in time for second period and went about my day.

My ex, Mr. Perfection, talked to me a lot today. Random, as shit. If anyone remembers the post i made of our conversation via FB:

"Now I also hear rumors of how I flirt with Keisha to make you jealous, going behind my back instead of telling me was unexpected, I THOUGHT YOU KNEW ME BETTER. I talk to almost all your friends just fine, what would make me not talk to you....."
(click to read the whole post)

Yeah, I don't really know how to feel about it..its weird how I think he hates my guts but he talks to me like we're still good friends. We're alright I guess, now. Do I regret confronting him? Not really. Now things are sort of out of the way, I ignored what he said about me getting jealous about that girl, cause I never told anyone SHIT about that. So...he probably made that shit up. I sort of liked the attention I won't even lie. Ugh, I suck. But anywho. It makes me happy. I like keeping my friends.

I seemed to have lost one.
She has just randomly stopped talking to me and the rest of my friends except for one. However, its alright...I don't even give a shit really. Ever since she got a boyfriend she's been different, and everyone has noticed. People we don't even hang with have noticed. Whatever, she wasn't one of the friends i was sure about. Not like heartless.
Which brings me to the next topic:

My Bessie I was talking about in the post from the other day found my blog, LMAO.

HI HEARTLESS!! <3333

I talked to her about it on the phone, only for a while, since it was pretty late. She isn't mad anymore...so she says. I hope not. As corny as it is, she's one of the friends 'm sure of. You know? Like I'm POSITIVE that she will be there all the time, as long as I'm there too you know? Which is good. I hate questioning my friendship with others. I would be ''cheesed'' too, but I hope it can just go past like whatever. I dunno, I have issues. I feel really bad about it, I mean I expressed how shitty I felt when I posted my post on how I lied to her no? I did. But whatever. Problem solved.

Some dude I kinda like bought me a bus ticket today.
LOL. It was random, I decided to skip the second half of night school with my friend and we ran into him....after a while it seemed he followed us, considering he was alone. Apparently he got kicked out for being late, though he had a good reason..which was a REALLY good and cute reason. (taking care of his younger sister while his mother is at work...how sweet.) So we had small talk, it was awkward, unfortunately. My friend thinks if she wasn't there it would've went better. I asked her aloud for a extra bus ticket, and he said he'd buy me one...I thought he was joking or something....however he did. How sweet.

She (my friend) conjured up a plan, that I should take this opportunity to repay him for the ticket by giving him a ticket. Then conversation can begin from there.

Smarty Pants.
UGH . I'm such a weirdo.

Four day week this week, YEZZER! Too bad it's raining for most of the week. I hate rain.

I'm very relaxed right about now, it took me exactly 29 minutes to get to home from school tonight and now I'm blogging before going to take a shower and possibly deep-condition my hair. I got plenty o' compliments about my hair today, it made my self-esteem boost a bit, I won't lie. Haha!

I thought i lost my cell phone today, I searched through the rain and the wind this afternoon, attempting to re-trace my damn steps. When I got back to my friends house to re-check my bag, it turned out that it was in my bag, and the reason I couldn't hear it was because it as on silent.
Oopsies.

420 was today.
I had a puff...only one. From my friend's big sis's bong.
nothing happened, obviously. I hope everyone else had a a good 420.
R.I.P. BOB MARLEY. =]

Don't worry, I sometimes love myself to bits, just lately I've been thinking a lot and every time it comes back around to me being a douche. My hair is the only thing going good right now. Lol.
-M.M

Im going to try and stay awake tonight, considering the fact that I cannot even sleep.
Im undergoing some changes on here...
including my name. My bessie suggested I change it to something SO incredibly out there, so that i dont have to worry about people finding me out.

So Mesi.Mosie it is.
I was looking for Egyptian names.
I found those appealing.
it means water.first born.
i like water, and im the oldest kid...for everyone. The first grand, great grand, cousin and so on.

By the way:
i TOTALLY overreacted earlier about shit.
I think i calmed down.

s'later

I agree with it ALL!
And I listen to this song on most mornings.

Sunni Patterson is probably another one of my influences....in life.

_______________________________________________________

Yeah,
So you know when you have something to say, but you don't want to say it cause it is just so fucking NOT RIGHT to say. Ah!, and I hate when they guess and they give you that "I tel you everything!!" shit. Oh my gosh. Then you tel them, but you keep some shit away cause you don't want to let it all out. I did that an hour ago on the phone with my best friend. The term used around a lot would be what? "Bessie"? Haha. Well yeah, about that unwritten rule thing. It has nothing to do with her, but if I were to tell her...it would start MAD confusion cause...its a mutual friends thing. You know. Then shit would get awkward and OH MY GOSH. I wish I never even brought the shit up. I need help.

I actually went through the process of leaving a message via email at two Mental Health clinics. Yeah. I am that serious. There are just some things that blogging can't help me with you know? Sometimes you want some one to fucking psycho-analyze your thoughts and actions. I WISH SOMEONE WOULD TELL ME HOW TO DEAL WITH MY SHIT.

FUCK!

Sometimes I want answers.

Fuck!

I wish that relationship I had with MR. Perfection wasn't so great, now I miss being with someone. I miss having something to look forward to. Thats sad as fuck though isn't it?

It looks like I'm needy doesn't it?

Fuck.

SHIT.

I hate when I meet someone who just blows my fucking mind and then there is a border between me and that person because of my conscience. I mean, I wish I hadn't had a whole hour and like fifteen minutes of isolation what that person to get to know them and see how attracting the person is. So bottom line is, I lied to my Bessie in order to change the fucking subject, I said I wrote the post days ago when I wrote it last night, I said it was about some dude at school when the dude doesn't even go to school with me.
fuck.

I feel shitty for it.

I think i should shut the fuck up.

I miss having someone to spend time with I guess. I miss being able to chill with that "special" person, as they light up my day from morning to afternoon and then on the phone at night. When he said " I heard you urging me to call" when in reality i didn't even think he would call. I was going through my head that i didn't even care whether or not he called. But the fact that he called that night, and the fact that the conversation went so well...made me want him to call more often. No one knows about all that, they all think it was nothing to get worked up about. But I was for real.

Really.

Then we got mr. read-me-like-a-book. Who read me like a book. Knew I had so much shit fucking me up that I couldn't accept him for the great guy he was. That I kept questioning his shit. However I thought he was faithful, I was the one that was fucking the shit up.
But in reality, he was unfaithful too, as hard as it is to believe. Fuck. I think I loved him too. Or lusted him, i don't even know anymore.

I think I am just letting everything out.

What I know, is that I do not know...

I don't know what will happen for me and my 'love' life next, but i know that the next one would have to be my friend first. I found that...being at least good friends with the person first usually makes things great. But not too good of friends to be awkward.

-sigh-

I try to shake that shit.
The shit I was talking about yesterday..
But shaking is only making it harder becuase it stirs up thoughts of what it would be like...

What if?
<3
S'later.
-Sharz.