ouijevis //

Started school...

Sometimes guys can be dumb. That goes without saying... but I want to tell you about my experience today (for the ump-teenth time)...

So it took me like 2 days (approximately) to take out the braid extensions! Ughh. When I was done I looked at myself and was a little worried about things because I was used to the braids and how much everyone liked it. But as you know I want to try out those Aveda products and let my hair have some spotlight for a while... so I was just going to deal with it.

Usually, even after I went natural, I had really high self-esteem and confidence in myself. I knew I wasn't the BEST LOOKING GIRL IN THE UNIVERSE, but I was alright with me and I knew I had things a lot of girls would love to have and I took pride in it. But I was also humble about it too. So you know.... I never had a constant need to re-assure myself that I was pretty. Unless I went out with friends, but even then I realized it was because I didn't stress slutty enough to get noticed. Haha.... uhh yeah.

So anyways.
I'm with my boyfriend and he calls me cute and the dreaded "hot" and "sexy" all the time... so I went ahead and asked if he'd still think so if we weren't together and he didn't know me as a person already. Now before I progress any further I WILL say that one of the things I love the most about my boyfriend is his honesty. However, the truth DOES hurt ... so I was just saddened by the truth...

So as you can imagine he said:

JV: No, I would think you were cute. But if you had your hair straightened I would wanna fuck you.

Moi: Hmm. Ok. So that's like me and your Abs..... ... Or lack thereof.

(heheheeeeeee take that bitch. )

---

But yeah he started talking about how he thinks girls with straight hair are "fcuking hot" and shit about :

JV: You don't date the hot girl, you date the cute girl.. cause they're the real girlfriend material"

So yeah... I got pissed off for sure. Cause as much as I love him, I want to ask these questions to make sure I have someone who doesn't need to focus on how "great" I look cause of my hair. I mean, he always says he doesn't care.. but then he talks about some girl's straight hair or some shit...and how "Guys always think straight hair is hot" .. which isn't always true, but whatever.
I don't know. Its just a self-esteem decliner for me. I am peeking on the best times of a persons life... and I am in a serious relationship while all my friends are single... so I want to make sure I am not wasting my time. I don't want to come home one day from NOT PARTYING ( like I couldn't have been doing today! My friends at the moment are at some sick Condo Rooftop Party.. -sigh- ) to find out he has cheated on me with some straight-haired broad because she had long flowing hair that he could sweep around and tug or whatever the fuck guys wanna do with that shit. Fuck man.

UGH!\\JNSFBCNSKIFSJKFKJSBLKVBLSHBVKSHBBVGUWIFHSIHJBCFKJSNWBFI923PUY
2PIRHUDWANCFJSVK\

Fuck man.

I don't know, I guess I am just going through some issues. This is how I am without a job and money I guess. Hhaha.T__T

I dunno. I'm really pissed. I know he loves me regardless, but its just about... my life and how I am wasting my time here on earth. I cried soon afterwards... cause I thuoght of how other guys I were with treated my natural hair as a beautiful thing and never talked about my hair straight or anything. They just really want to see it grow. Haha, like they would really ask me to let it grow. Sometimes I think its cause they're black so they know more about what goes on than a white guy. My ex was happy I stopped perming my hair and altering it. My other guy friend had cornrows so we both related with hair and talked about hair together.

Its not like NATURAL HAIR IS MY LIFE. It's just that...if there is something / someone better for me out there I rather meet them and be on an everlasting conquest than stay with someone who can't fully think even with my fro that I am sexy.

Rant over.

Yes.
That's right...

If you are making an event and irritating bitches to come to youre shit... that shit better be going OFF! Like, rain or shine! Unless someone dies, that shit better be happening. But dont back out and cancel it a few hours before the shit starts! Thats telling me... my time isn't worth shit and you can just cancel it three hours before the start time and nothing going to happen. Fuck you man. Think I'm your groupie!? Hell no. I'm a human being and I'm your "friend" if I'm not your best friend thats cool, but don't fuck with my time.

-sigh-

Okay well. You cancelled. So when a bitch asks you WHY? You better answer dont just act like "whatever its cancelled bitches deal with it." No fuck you bitch! You better give me an answer cause I cut out a piece of my day for you and then you fucked with my shit. So you better have reasons.

So whatever... the rudeness doesn't answer me so I call someone to find out. They cancel because it was damp outside so they dont feel like going anymore. FUCK.... YOU. It's not even raining. I rained last night. So it's damp now!


OH WAIT... I GOT A CALL.

Plans back on.... wtf.

Welp...

Hey!

There are certain things that just shouldn't happen to people, and then there are certain things that people regret ever getting into. I feel as though I am going through part B of this predicament. Yeah, so I am back at school in order to review my future plans and get shit together so that I can get what I want ... however it seems liek when you've been through the same thing for a long time - and couldn't wait to get out...- why do it one more time?

Oh well... I honestly can't do anything about it now, I am already in the thick of this mess.

So in times like these, people like to make New Year's resolutions in order to make themselves believe that something is going to change, and hopefully that something is positive towards a regretfull negative.

I am actually in the regretful hell-hole right now, enduring a bunch of crap that frankly I can do without. I mean, it's becoming really difficult to get a internship with anyone and no one wants me, or no one wants a student who isn't in University or who hasn't graduated University - so it is becoming quite an annoyance to even wake-up and go to this stupid hell-hole everyday. There have seriously been days where I was glad to be sick, so I wouldn't need to go to class.

Seriously. I was at the hospital last friday (for what I thought was a bladder infection - it was nothing.) and it was the happiest school day since late September.

It is just THAT SAD.

So, with that all said .... I believe I am now prepared to start thinking about my New Year's Resolutions, don't you think so?

Okay..
So whats up people of earth who are reading? How have you been? I've been alright.
Remember when I discussed islands a few weeks back? Well, there seems to be an accidental wash up on a shore that I didn't mean to buck up.

The deal is... there is this "island" we'll say islandJ for the privacy factors. Okay, so I started conversing with islandJ with a mindset that we'd be JUST FRIENDS. You know? Like, we both established that we just wanted to stay friends, we weren't looking for relationships we just wanted to talk. We enjoyed talking. I think we still do.
Somehow, I think islandJ is struggling with keeping his mind on the friend factor. He's been beginning to ask odd questions, and getting jealous for nothing and talking smack about how I'm greedy cause I talk to him, and my exboyfriend...

I don't know how to summarize our hourly conversations, but basically, he's getting... comfortable.

The thing now, is that I secretly wanted this...
HAHA! Messed up? I know.

I don't know...
I was hoping he'd feel a stronger attraction to me, cause I liked him a lot too. But, it's like now that he's smacking me in the face with these random subtle emotions and confessions... I'm not feeling too good anymore.

We talk every night...
We had a slight arguement about me calling him back, cause my ex was on the phone..
I can see his frustration, however: WE ARENT FUCKING DATING. We're just friends, so I didnt think he'd get so upset. He really shocked me with his anger toward the situation. Though he kept saying "Im joking...chill."

I know he wasnt really joking.

Well, whatever...
I think the problem here is lack of straight forward-ness and communication.

MERRY CHRISTMAS MY SWEETS!

Mad Black Woman just helped me make sense out of my situation.

Okay...

Okay so what's uppers people of the net!!!

I am so tired, let me tell you the past two days I have been doing nothing but work. I'm not getting paid, but I am doing work.

I cut my friend's hair last night, and then this morning we went to her house and renovated her flat, and scrubbed her carpet!! WHICH LET ME TELL YOU, WAS LIKE MOVING MOUNTAINS ALRIGHT!!
All cause these people are coming over to her place to chill, and she wants the place to be look-able. Which makes sense.

So, yeah...

I'm at heartless's houe right about now...
and I am with her waiting for the people to get here, I'm pretty hungry.

So, apparently my friends say that I always act miserable and stuck up around these new guy friends they made, who are spanish. Apparently they say I make them sad cause I don;t really talk around them. Well, I am not like that around all guys, it's just they usually talk to me first and then that makes me feel as if I am wanted and so I carry conversation. I hate when people do that. Like I may be one of those people who want people to talk to them first but, like i don't get all sad when theyh don't I just say fck it!
So apparently, my friend saiid they're too pussy to talk to me first, but I don't really care wether they want to talk to me or not... Sorry. But I really don't find them interesting at all. Like wtf.

I have no idea why...

Oh well. What the fuck man. It kind of pisses me off. If your so sad about it then do something the fuck about it. Like if I make you sad cause I am not going out of my way to make conversation with you, then fuck off or make something happen. WTF. Fuck you!!
Sorry, it just realy pisses me off. People are retarded. It's called taking an effort to talk... I mean. I talk from time to time and then people look at me and move on, so its like.... do you or don't you want me to talk. Guy's say they don't like shy girls, have you ever thought that GIRLS DONT ENJOY SHY GUYS EITHER, like fuck.

Get with the program!!

I may sound like some sort of hypocrite but, whatever...
like I really care, I have enough shit to do, the least you can do is say hi or something. How the eff do you expect to get anythig out of me, if I have nothing to say or talk to you about?!
Ridiculous man.
So. Ridiculous.