ouijevis //: love

hair

Hair + Mainstream Media + Guys = Self-Esteem destructor

6/26/2011 12:54:00 AM

happy

. one-hundred and eighty-five (I FEEL..)

1/13/2010 04:22:00 PM

life

. one-hundred and sixty-eight (quote of the day)

11/25/2009 06:11:00 PM

QUOTE:

"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened ... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on." - Tupac Shakur

Maybe I should quit trying to figure things out about the past.

I should probably quit trying to find time or opportunities to make things better, and instead of finding the opportunities and thinking about using the time wisely to resolve and instead - just leave it alone.

I am a person that naturally likes to resolve my issues with people, I hate holding grudges and I hate hating people. But sometimes, I should just let go of it and stop wasting my time trying to figure out the REAL reason and the REAL answers to the questions:

Why?

What happened?

When did it happen?

How did it happen?

Honestly...

I need to just move on.

Officially.

I mean, my friend likes to say that "you need to find closure" but, maybe if you can't find closure you should just find escape.

Escape from what hurts the most, it may find cowardly, but if there really is nothing you can do about it... it's time to take out the fuckin raft and boogie, right?

But I always think I have moved on...I believe I have.

I've been on my raft trying to find a new island to rest my feet on, but I've been just floating in the ocean finding no land, no boats, no ships, a few yachts, but they look too good to hop on.

-----

I find the best feeling is to be around friends, friends that are whole heartedly there for me, and would never do anything to make me feel or think about the pain ever again. I noticed today that a few of those friends were most noticeable today. C.T, A.N and a little bit of N.C

It was very reassuring to know I had a few friends around that didn't make me feel different about my raft journey. In fact one even made light of the situation and laughed with me a bit about the island's new inhabitant.

Today I really took in how valuable my friends are, and I almost doubted all of them last year...

They all bring a bit of something to the table, and even though I may loose contact with a few of them... I'll remember all they did for me during the time we actually had together.

Hmm.

I always try not to say certain things, or expose certain people on this blog, mostly because some people may be aware of this blog I got here, so I refrain from naming names, and being specific. BUT hopefully you get what I am saying.

----

We can talk about "a boat" I'm seeing right now, not really seeing, but considering all because I'm through with not taking risks, I mean I already know that nothing is set in stone ever so might as well I milk the opportunities I get right? Right.

So this boat is all good, how ever I am having problems trusting it because it has some baggage on it that I am not really into. I mean the boat claims to be empty, but I have seen that baggage before and I am not feeling too sure about accepting the boat's attempt to help me.

Question is...

should I just see where it goes, even if that extra baggage may drown us both, but kill me - since I am human and the boat, well the boat is a boat. You get me?

(F.Y.I: This posts was mostly about males, being represented by islands and boats.)

s'later! :)

funny

. one-hundred and ten ("humility is so 2008")

6/11/2009 10:55:00 AM

"If you're good at something, why be modest about it. I mean if I'm good at sports, then whats the point of being like 'good game guys yeah... good effort'. NO I'm gonna be like 'YOU LOST'!!"

Says Kiefer, a student in my religion class.

I'm in religion right now. Trying to type and not get caught.

I don't want to type and have people passing by my computer either, and be watching my shiz. People keep coming up behind me and gently touching my fro. Fo' realz.

Anyway. I'm here and I'm bored. I have nothing else to do, I'm done doing the assignment I was supposed to do. And I'm reading other blogs today and I stumbled upon some really good posts this morning. One by http://naturalhairrules.blogspot.com

" Excuse Me, Has my natural offended you, has it questioned your authenticity? Has this beautiful crown caused you to bow to its glory?

No?! Then why do you feel the need to explain yourself; make excuse as to why you too are not natural.

This journey is a test of the triune being that brings a higher sense of self; exposing all hidden fears.

So I’ll ask again! Has my natural offended you? What God creates is good and His Righteousness prepares a path of favor and prosperity.

If my natural has offended you; I make no apologizes for I have been delivered from other opinions of me. No longer will I accept the paragon of straight-haired beauty.

My natural transcends all definitions of beauty. It has provide me with the to tool to be me, uniquely.

I will no longer be swayed by the fallacies that natural is ugly and unprofessional. I will learn to be the Queen I was created to be; chemical free. Naked and unchanged.

If my natural offends you; take the time to examine self because I was created in His image. "

This kind of got me thinking, about how extremely true that shit all is. Like double-u tee efferz. As soon as you have natural hair, permed people start defending their perms. When you aren't really doing anything by being natural, you are just being you "uniquely" and to the fullest degree of authentic-ness. Which brings me to what Kiefer said this morning in religion class (im at home now, cause I decided to do the rest of this post at home, kept getting interrupted), about not hiding your good qualities, and just embracing them. I mean, when I cut off my perm I acted like the SHIT, I still kinda do. I always find it hard to just be like "Oh thanks" when someone says "i love your hair"

When my hair was permed and people said that i'd say "thank you" but in a really shy way and not sure of how serious they were. However nowadays when people say they like my hair I'm thinking to myself 'DAMN MUHFKN RIGHT you do!...BITCH!' yeah. I still say "Oh Thanks" but with a huge smile on my face. I'm always happy that I can embrace this hair and people still like my style, appearance and so on. I mean, it wouldn't have mattered either way, I still would have been happy. However, now i'm EXTRA happy. Thats all.

So I guess Modesty is out, and being vocally aware of your good traits and qualities are IN. Thanks to people like Kanye West i guess. Haha. I was actually on Erykah Badu's myspace (yeah yeah, thats right) and she even said it herself

"Humility is sooo 2008."

Haha.

My father has been laid off of his job as an electrician. Great. (sarcasm) and there goes me ever relying on him for cash. Life's a real birch right now. I'm still looking for a job though. I really hope I get one. I still haven't applied for McDonalds yet, but I will this Friday for sure. FOR SURE!

I realized that I barely pray anymore. I feel like it won't help, I mean sometimes I do pray, it's just i really don't do as much as I used to when i was a kid. I believed that prayer was the answer to every single little thing. And now, I feel as if it's all just a waste. How do I know that someone is even listening, that is just it... I DONT. Sometimes I think that people put all their faith into a religion, especially when they face hard times, in order for them to retrieve a drive.

I say this because, I find it the oddest that you can be down in the slumps and them all of a sudden believe in an Element of someone's "divinely inspirited" text and become a billionaire.

I can't seem to believe in anything much right now...

I believe there is a Creator type thing. I don't know what exactly it is right now... however, I'm not quite going all out right now and believing in some sacred text. Sorry.

Moving on...

Has this ever happened to you, where someone confesses something to you that really did not need to be confessed? Well that happened to me today. See what happened was, we were cleaning out our lockers today, and I have two lockers. One is mine, and the other I share with a friend. So I'm at mine in the morning and cleaning out the locker, then a classmate of mine from first semester's history class comes to his locker, which is beside me. He's graduating this year, and so we are both at our lockers and cleaning them out. Here's how that went:

Enters Richie into the hallway... 1st period.

Me: Hey Richie! (smiles)

Richie: Hey Sharifa (smiles)

I thought you were gone, since you're locker was lock-less and open...

Oh no, I lost my lock... thats why. But it's my last days of school anyway, and I'm not coming back right? So i just said 'whatever' you know?

Oh.. I see.

(fnishes cleaning out my locker and touches the door)

I'm gonna miss you... -snif,snif-

Yeah, I'm actually really gonna miss you too Sharifa. (he was actually serious)

-SILENCE-

Uhh, I wasn't talking to you Richie...

Oh. (straight face)

(Laughs) But I WILL miss you too Richie.

Oh, well at least we have that established. (smiling awkwardly)

Haha... yeah. Well, see you around Richie

Bye Sharifa.

----

Can you say awkward. I mean, maybe it was just me. However I always had a little feeling that he liiked me, all throughout out history he'd be looking at me, well more like starring at me. I also remember one time, I needed a fork for my rice and he was willing to go to the Korean place across the street and into a building (with a plaza inside) just to get me one. Which was very sweet.

But yeah, it was weird and I thought about it for the rest of the day, in fact when I saw him in the hallway, I'd stil say "Hi" but it was always weird. I usually thought of Richie as the Older brother type. The nice, sweet, always there for you, older brother. He would always treat me like a sister, I think. Always talking to me and joking with me... I dunno.

Well, whatever.

Tomorrow is the very last WHOLE school day of the year, and then comes Exam week, and THEN SUMMER !!! YESS!!! Too bad this summer isn't looking very promising. Ugh. It looks like SHIT.

Now the school year is coming to an end. Next year i'm going to be in Gr. 12. SHIT!!

S'later!

PCE, LVE, & FRSH AR!!

hair

. one-hundred and six (FCK WEDGIES!)

6/07/2009 12:47:00 AM

I HAD A BIG ASS WEDGIE LAST NIGHT AND WAS TOO LAZY TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, SO LEFT IT...AND MY ASS HAS BEEN HURTING ALL FKEN DAY!!!!

Okay,

So I haven't wrote in some time now, cause i've been too lazy to actually start typing and shit. But today I'm on here and I'm bored and not quite ready for bed. I was set out on partying tonight, and ended up not partying....so I'm on party time in my mind. A couple of things to discuss today, so let me list them out so i don't forget (cause that is what usually happens, and that is why some of my posts are completely pointless):

My Hair
My Life's ish. (friends and how I feel out of place almost all the time)
Job Search

So yeah,

my hair!!

I tried out the signature hairstyle that I saw while on Sei'Lani's blog... cause I was on it, and her hair is just about as long as mine, which is wicked cause every natural hair blog I hit up, the person's hair is longer or shorter... so its goof to have someone on the same pace and level as me for once. So i did it, and thought I looked like a poodle, however everyone thought it was EXTRA cute, so... I guess it went well. PHOTOS:

So yeah, there that is.

I've been frequently twisting out my hair, I never leave it as it, afroie. I like the twist-out style a lot, and that is all I ever wear. My grandmother went on a limb and bought me some hair products, too bad they were Olive Oil products, which suck on my hair.. However, i can't waste money, so i'll use it... though I was already trying to get rid of the olive oil products I already HAD!!

Ugh!!

I wish she had bought some CASTOR oil or something!

But yeah...

My Life & How I Feel Out Of Place With Some Friends...

So today I was with Heartless, Rosa, and Ayssa.

I didn't feel too out of place with them, but I did feel a bit distance, then again I always do. And I think it is about time I get to this, cause I've never taken the time to blog about this, but I will today. I always feel as if, I'm missing information that everyone else knows when I'm with them. Dont get me wrong, I don't hate them or anything and you know whatever. Heartless has been my friend for a very long time (since gr.8) but I dunno, I always feel out of place. I never feel as if I have a BEST FRIEND. And even if I did, its with the people I barely talk to anymore.

Which is sad to me.

I'm best friends with people...

But no one is best friends with me...?

It's odd.

So I decided to talk to Heartless about it, though we barely did, but I didn't focus on it, I'm not the type to linger on things. But yeah, she never hears much about me and Andell (my ex-bf who is now my "friend" though we;re more like friends with benefits.... when you think about it right now... cause friends don't do the things we did last weekend...) and so I told her. Basically I don't tell her, cause I don't feel like she would get it. Though she says she's done a lot, she never tells me. Sometimes i feel like everyone knows BUT me...

Its sad, out of all honestly.

She said its cause "I'm so proper and decent" or something like that, and that why she's afraid I'll judge her. A lot of people DO say that, but some of them still tell me. I have done some things and I don't tell anyone. I've only told two people. Laila and Claudine, and that's mostly because they have told me their experiences and even though they were scared to tell me, they told me anyway. I NEVER ASK THEM EITHER!

So I end up telling them everything. I've told Claudine EVERYTHING, I know none of you know who I'm talking about..but you get what I'm saying.

So yeah, I never feel out of place with them, and that's why I feel close with them out of all the people I know. I find that my way of life sometimes distances me away from people. I mean, I get what they're all saying. They're all usually afraid I'm going to think they are "easy" or "sluts" or "low" or something along those lines, however...

I really wouldn't think anything like that about my friends. I wouldn't tell people either.

I've experienced a lot of things in my lifetime, as short as it has been...

All in all, I hate feeling left out of things, cause then I don't want to be around. I've seen myself really parting away from people a lot lately... I feel as if I'm trying too hard to rekindle my friendship with people, and no one else is trying with me. Like today... I felt as if, my presence wasnt too important, since I barely knew what anyone was talking about... I'm probably wrong about that, but that's just how I feel right now... Not that I don't want to rekindle. I WANT TO... but i just don't feel in the mix.

LIKE I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ALL OF THESE PEOPLE, BUT SOMETIMES I FEEL AS IF I DONT QUITE FIT IN!!

Sometimes I miss my younger life, cause I had best friends, that I didn't feel as if I was working hard for, cause I knew everything about them already, and there were no secrets. Now there are almost every friend of mine with a load of secrets they haven't told me.

I dunno.

Maybe i'm just being a cry-baby.

Sometimes I just want to move somewhere far away, and start all over. A new name, a new life, and new friends, if I make any.

Then this brings me to Andell. I only feel important around him.

I only feel like I may be in the right place when I'm around him.... however, that feelings is slightly leaving, and now there is no one. No one at all. Its like I'm alone. I just don't fit in with anyone, i feel. I feel like I fit in with Heartless and them sometimes, when things aren't weird and awkwardly silenced. Or when they don't go off and talk somewhere else away from me, and I am all alone, or just excluded from the conversations. I don't say anything about it... cause I'm not like that.

And this may sound extremely Emo, however, its true. I often feel alone. I took a quiz:

You hide your emotion sometimes .You are a moon type of person. You tend to be the quiet type or in contrast, you are happy but sometimes you act it out in order for you to no burden your friends with your problems. You've faced some problems in your life. Your heart has dealt blows before. You tend to think about things alot more than other people. And you may get annoyed with people who act out without thinking about what would happen later.You are also the type of person that others often come to you with their problems because you've been through plenty, and you are very understanding. Though you sometimes feel lonely. Your demeanor is usually chill, and relaxed.You usually are logical, and rely alot on facts and information on decisions. You often keep things to yourself. This is just one side of you, and you have different faces in different situations and environments, just like the moon has phases.

which is SOOO TRUE!!

Thats who I've been for a really long time.

But whatever...

I don't know, I guess i just want to move far away... and be somewhere else. Thats part of why I continued blogging. As a way to escape for a while and just DO MY OWN THING without the scrutiny and the looks. I don't even care if I have friends who can see my blog either.

Then it brings me back to this blog post I cam across back in November 08, and dude is like "Life is Like A movie" and this is the best shit in the world cause it makes so much sense, and it really helped me out. I read it whenever I feel that I should. Whenever I feel like I'm losing touch with a certain person.

http://lostinthewillderness.com/blog/?p=311

So yeah.

JOB SEARCH!

I haven't gotten call backs, however I am volunteering at NXNE for sure, I have the schedule and everything!

YAY!!

So yeah, I'm getting slightly tired of typing now... so I'm out.

(this is the first time i've taken a bit of time to read over and edit )

S'later!

LVE, PCE & FRSH AR!!