Song is in my head fo' realz
YOU WILL NEVER FIND ANOTHER LOVER by IN ESSENCE
My friend is related to one of the the guys in the group.
So yeah..
I have nothing good to say today. Just thought I'd pop in and be absolutely random for a few minutes by talking about some weird ish. Exams start Friday. And I'm kind of nervous about volunteering at North By Northeast, since I'm going to be completely alone. But I kind of think it will be nice to do something away from everyone for a bit. Just have time to myself to do something fun and interesting and be apart of an event I've really loved for a long time. I hope i get to see the Cool Kids for free. Haha. I have to be downtown for a lot of the time, so I was thinking of just spending the week at my mom's place... just so that I won't have to travel so far from DOWNTOWN all the way to my house. My mom lives closer to DOWNTOWN. She basically is DOWNTOWN.
I think I want to read a good book, but I can't seem to get into any....
I was reading like 3 books. One at a time, obviously. I got bored of each one and dashed them into a corner. I miss the days where I read the Twilight Saga. Cause I had a passion for that book, like I HAD TO FINISH it. Now its all hyped and I already read ALL THE BOOKS. Everyone's like "OH EM GEE TWILIGHT" and me and my friends are like... "uhh, yeah. OLDNESS!" So anyone reading, if you have a good book you think I'll like (i like comedy. mystery is nice sometimes, a bit a drama is always fun. I need something that grabs me by the first paragraph.)
I've been listening to a lot of 90s and 80s music lately. had this weird daydream of how life would be like if I was born in 82 instead of 92. a decade difference. Wow. Life just seemed more fun back then. I mean, fashion-wise we're all just RE-DOING it and naming it retro. I hate RE-DOs and RE-RUNS. I like revolutions. Haha.
I thought about my friend problem...
I read the comments.
Thanks S.B for your kind words. I guess your right. Along with Rosa. I have that whole lifetime of mine to make new friends. Though it would be nice to have one of those friends that were with you for a really long time. My Dad has plenty of those, so does my grandmother and aunt and uncle.... I always envy them for having those. I hope I have one.
My GodMother was my mother and uncles friend since ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!!
How wicked is that really?!!
SO WICKED!
I hope I have one of those. Even if it's just one... it would be pretty cool. Could be A.N, N.C, M.S or M.K . I think I have an idea of who it may be... if it were to happen.
But whatever, maybe I'll lose touch with every one of my friends and make absolutely new and improved ones. Haha. Maybe. Then start all over with them. Hmm. I wonder how my life will turn out. It's all kind of scary. I hope the world doesn't get worse. You knowww. OBAMA!! haha, he may just fix it. I have some faith in it. I really do.
Since Canada is basically the biter of America. -Sigh- Canada is a little worthless and pitiful. However we have free health care. And that's why I'm staying! ;D
Along with the fact that I was born here, and I don't feel like going through the process of becoming a citizen somewhere else and getting my "landed". GEEZ. Its so much work. I've seen it happen. I helped my step-mother get hers by singing her the provinces of Canada, when I learned it in 4th grade. She thanked me by stealing the money in my bank account, beating, almost stifling me in gr. 5 and calling my worthless a lot... among other things.
But lets not stay on this topic.
I live my life to the fullest no matter what, I try to anyway. I hope I reach the places I want to reach.
BTW;
I tried the Olive Oil Moisturizer yesterday... out of all the olive oil products I think this one is the best. It works bet on dry hair though....
I dunno. All I know is that my hair was soft and moist ALL DAY LONG. It's still moist right now.
Ugh, I dread the day I have to get my hair braided. My scalp has been so relaxed lately, that I am POSITIVE that as soon as someone starts braiding it... all your gonna hear is PURE CRIES!!
ANYWAYS
I'm outie.
I was just blabbing on about random ish today.... lets just let this one slide.
S'later
PCE, LVE, & FRSH AR!
IM DAMN BORED!!!
I'm going to my mommas house later today, and that should be great fun. I kind of don't feel like going, but I promised her, and i dont want to let her down. You know? I dont see her often enough to cancel on plans.
I saw the senior prom photos this morning and now I am kinda thinking about my own prom. My classmates are already getting asked to next year's prom and shit. My ex boyfriend supposedly asked one of my friends... not that it matters, it's kinda "bright" but... whateves. She told me that "she doesn't want to get scratched" meaning, by the other girls who'd LOVE to go with him. Hm. Whatevers.
I kind of hope I do get a date, however it wouldn't be a big deal if I didn't. I'd go with my own "friends". As the post i posted yesterday, if I still have friends next year that is. I was thinking about how offf that post could've seemed. Cause i didn't mean ONLY the friends I hung out with yesterday, I meant every group of friends that I have. Even my school friends (which are not heartless, rosa, and ayssa and the rest...) are kind of dwindling away from me.
But enough of that!
I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE SUMMER VACATION TO BEGIN!!
HONESTLY!!
It's ridonks. Even though vacation is 2 weeks away, it feels like a whole MONTH right now. Then in gr. 12 everything is going to go by SO FAST, I know, i know.
I think I may SERIOUSLY TRY to ride my bike to school this upcoming week. Even though I can't find my bike lock, which SUCKS. I'll find a way....
Well anywhozels.
I'm just being a little over-depressed this week, maybe my period is coming and that is why I'm thinking like this... so pessimistically. I haven't written anymore poems... I haven't even tried. Whatever though, like who gives a real stinkin' poop anyways?
S'later!
PCE, LVE, & FRSH AR!
Okay,
So I haven't wrote in some time now, cause i've been too lazy to actually start typing and shit. But today I'm on here and I'm bored and not quite ready for bed. I was set out on partying tonight, and ended up not partying....so I'm on party time in my mind. A couple of things to discuss today, so let me list them out so i don't forget (cause that is what usually happens, and that is why some of my posts are completely pointless):
- My Hair
- My Life's ish. (friends and how I feel out of place almost all the time)
- Job Search
my hair!!
I tried out the signature hairstyle that I saw while on Sei'Lani's blog... cause I was on it, and her hair is just about as long as mine, which is wicked cause every natural hair blog I hit up, the person's hair is longer or shorter... so its goof to have someone on the same pace and level as me for once. So i did it, and thought I looked like a poodle, however everyone thought it was EXTRA cute, so... I guess it went well. PHOTOS:
So yeah, there that is.
I've been frequently twisting out my hair, I never leave it as it, afroie. I like the twist-out style a lot, and that is all I ever wear. My grandmother went on a limb and bought me some hair products, too bad they were Olive Oil products, which suck on my hair.. However, i can't waste money, so i'll use it... though I was already trying to get rid of the olive oil products I already HAD!!
Ugh!!
I wish she had bought some CASTOR oil or something!
But yeah...
My Life & How I Feel Out Of Place With Some Friends...
So today I was with Heartless, Rosa, and Ayssa.
I didn't feel too out of place with them, but I did feel a bit distance, then again I always do. And I think it is about time I get to this, cause I've never taken the time to blog about this, but I will today. I always feel as if, I'm missing information that everyone else knows when I'm with them. Dont get me wrong, I don't hate them or anything and you know whatever. Heartless has been my friend for a very long time (since gr.8) but I dunno, I always feel out of place. I never feel as if I have a BEST FRIEND. And even if I did, its with the people I barely talk to anymore.
Which is sad to me.
I'm best friends with people...
But no one is best friends with me...?
It's odd.
So I decided to talk to Heartless about it, though we barely did, but I didn't focus on it, I'm not the type to linger on things. But yeah, she never hears much about me and Andell (my ex-bf who is now my "friend" though we;re more like friends with benefits.... when you think about it right now... cause friends don't do the things we did last weekend...) and so I told her. Basically I don't tell her, cause I don't feel like she would get it. Though she says she's done a lot, she never tells me. Sometimes i feel like everyone knows BUT me...
Its sad, out of all honestly.
She said its cause "I'm so proper and decent" or something like that, and that why she's afraid I'll judge her. A lot of people DO say that, but some of them still tell me. I have done some things and I don't tell anyone. I've only told two people. Laila and Claudine, and that's mostly because they have told me their experiences and even though they were scared to tell me, they told me anyway. I NEVER ASK THEM EITHER!
So I end up telling them everything. I've told Claudine EVERYTHING, I know none of you know who I'm talking about..but you get what I'm saying.
So yeah, I never feel out of place with them, and that's why I feel close with them out of all the people I know. I find that my way of life sometimes distances me away from people. I mean, I get what they're all saying. They're all usually afraid I'm going to think they are "easy" or "sluts" or "low" or something along those lines, however...
I really wouldn't think anything like that about my friends. I wouldn't tell people either.
I've experienced a lot of things in my lifetime, as short as it has been...
All in all, I hate feeling left out of things, cause then I don't want to be around. I've seen myself really parting away from people a lot lately... I feel as if I'm trying too hard to rekindle my friendship with people, and no one else is trying with me. Like today... I felt as if, my presence wasnt too important, since I barely knew what anyone was talking about... I'm probably wrong about that, but that's just how I feel right now... Not that I don't want to rekindle. I WANT TO... but i just don't feel in the mix.
LIKE I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ALL OF THESE PEOPLE, BUT SOMETIMES I FEEL AS IF I DONT QUITE FIT IN!!
Sometimes I miss my younger life, cause I had best friends, that I didn't feel as if I was working hard for, cause I knew everything about them already, and there were no secrets. Now there are almost every friend of mine with a load of secrets they haven't told me.
I dunno.
Maybe i'm just being a cry-baby.
Sometimes I just want to move somewhere far away, and start all over. A new name, a new life, and new friends, if I make any.
Then this brings me to Andell. I only feel important around him.
I only feel like I may be in the right place when I'm around him.... however, that feelings is slightly leaving, and now there is no one. No one at all. Its like I'm alone. I just don't fit in with anyone, i feel. I feel like I fit in with Heartless and them sometimes, when things aren't weird and awkwardly silenced. Or when they don't go off and talk somewhere else away from me, and I am all alone, or just excluded from the conversations. I don't say anything about it... cause I'm not like that.
And this may sound extremely Emo, however, its true. I often feel alone. I took a quiz:
You hide your emotion sometimes .You are a moon type of person. You tend to be the quiet type or in contrast, you are happy but sometimes you act it out in order for you to no burden your friends with your problems. You've faced some problems in your life. Your heart has dealt blows before. You tend to think about things alot more than other people. And you may get annoyed with people who act out without thinking about what would happen later.You are also the type of person that others often come to you with their problems because you've been through plenty, and you are very understanding. Though you sometimes feel lonely. Your demeanor is usually chill, and relaxed.You usually are logical, and rely alot on facts and information on decisions. You often keep things to yourself. This is just one side of you, and you have different faces in different situations and environments, just like the moon has phases.
which is SOOO TRUE!!
Thats who I've been for a really long time.
But whatever...
I don't know, I guess i just want to move far away... and be somewhere else. Thats part of why I continued blogging. As a way to escape for a while and just DO MY OWN THING without the scrutiny and the looks. I don't even care if I have friends who can see my blog either.
Then it brings me back to this blog post I cam across back in November 08, and dude is like "Life is Like A movie" and this is the best shit in the world cause it makes so much sense, and it really helped me out. I read it whenever I feel that I should. Whenever I feel like I'm losing touch with a certain person.
So yeah.
JOB SEARCH!
I haven't gotten call backs, however I am volunteering at NXNE for sure, I have the schedule and everything!
YAY!!
So yeah, I'm getting slightly tired of typing now... so I'm out.
(this is the first time i've taken a bit of time to read over and edit )
S'later!
LVE, PCE & FRSH AR!!
Okay,
so here are some vids I want to share with you folks, so enjoy. I have much to say, but not much energaay...so here are some vids.
Jeremih: ACOUSTIC!?!
He's alright. I find his voice a tad bit annoying and whatever, however.... the songs alright acoustically. I must say its better all edited and shit though. And this is coming from the girl who thinks LIVE MUSIC is the BEST music.
HAND VAGINA
Okay, I stumbled upon this little number, as some referred it to me on YOUTUBE. I watched it and i DIED!!!
I freakin DIED. It was gross, sad, and HILARIOUS... this asian kid KILLED ME!
That black kid...KILLED ME.
watch it.
"i would DIE FOR IT" LMAOOOO
REAL LIFE TWITTER
real life twitter, kills me.
Fresh Prince Gangsta Version
kills me!!
The Noisettes Cover "When You Were Young" at BBC Radio.
This is really good, I used to listen to it every morning. I love The Noisettes a lot.
Watch.
Im done for the day...
Have a great night, and talk later! <333
PCE, LVE, & FRSH AR!!
Alright!!
So I am openly stealing this from Sei'Lani Britagne
so yeah. I was taking my free time as I skip the last day of Night school to read everyone of my blog subscriptions, BOY DO I HAVE A LOT OR WHAT?, and I passed by G!rl Snatch and decided....you know what? Lets do this!!
Okay, let us begin.
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ONE: i am jamaican decended and I have a bit of other things mixed in such as; Barbados, and Trinidad.. but I barely look at those.
TWO: I have gone through many phases in life, including my ASAIN WANNABE phase, which I am sooo greatful to be DONE WITH. And I believe that I have found my true self to some extent right about now.
THREE: I listen to any and every type of music, and I don't really care. As long as it isn't Country, everything alright. I don't really enjoy, what i love to call "dumb rap" I listen to genuine hip-hop though.
FOUR: I have MAD celeb crushes on: Pharrell, Tom Cruise, Jude Law, Trey Songz, Kid Cudi and John Legend
FIVE: I like to sing in the shower, take walks alone on the streets of Toronto, Bike through the parks, and tweet. LOL.
SIX: I get nausea after swinging on a swing for some time...
SEVEN: I hate to get high, but I get high when I feel completely bored, and sometimes when I think it may cure something... but then it ends up making me feel like shit, so i have stopped. SMOKING IS A NO NO.
EIGHT: Played the BARITONE for three years. Hated it.
NINE: Used to be such a tomboy back in the day, and still sort of is to an extent.
TEN: Used to want to be a singer, until I got discouraged... now I just sing to myself when no one is watching. Only a few have heard me.
ELEVEN: Used to want to be an actress, until she once again got discouraged.
TWELVE: Had her first kiss at the age of 9.
THIRTEEN: Went to the Gay Parade and got interviewed with my friend, since everyone thought we were the MOST INTRESTING COUPLE there. One Black Jamaican and One Pakistani...WOAH!?! -___-
FOURTEEN: loves giraffes and wants to be one in her next life.
FIFTEEN: Sometimes switches outfits right after leaving the house, just cause I feel uncomfortable.
SIXTEEN: Hates when she leaves the house and people are outside...cause I feels as if she's being watched.
SEVENTEEN: Has trust issues.
EIGHTEEN: Is shy, not too confident, and always SO SHOCKED when I get complimented. Sometimes I feel like the persons just trying to be nice or something.
NINETEEN: Used to be quite chubby.
TWENTY: Hates when people lie about stupid shit.
TWENTY-ONE: Had first "boyfriend" at the age of 11?
TWENTY-TWO: Listens to music in the shower.
TWENTY-THREE: Painted her room green for her sixteenth birthday...
TWENTY-FOUR: Wants to plant a tree.
TWENTY-FIVE: Has 2 birthmarks (one in a very odd place) and 3 beauty marks?
TWENTY-SIX: Was basically white as a young baby until I was about six-years old.
TWENTY-SEVEN: Has yet to go to an open-mic night.
TWENTY-EIGHT: Loves her hair as it is right now, and seriously never felt so IN PLACE and put together. No matter what anyone says. I know it looks pretty damn fly. It may not be the norm, but it works. Black people just don't look too right with pin-straight hair (as Sei'Lani Britagne said... haha) Its just odd...to me. I thought it was SO BORING, and flat. I was always trying to tease it and shit. Then I was like....fCK it. It looks so boring. I was always trying to find a way to make it look LESS BORING and still like it. And i've found my solution. So fCK those who can't take it in....
TWENTY-NINE: Is an audible kisser, and it bothers me. I FCKEN HATE IT... dont know why, I just do.
THIRTY: (i have to make this one good...)
I have learned throughout my phases in life, that I shouldn't try to do anything for anyone but me. And that is how I live. Not selfishly but not selflessly.
LVE, PCE, & FRSH AR!