. two-hundred and two

3/26/2010 01:04:00 AM


last post…

i think i should say.

it is a friend love…

but a mixture of other shit….

ya know?





it is 12:46AM, I should go to bed, but I am too thirsty to sleep. It doesnt matter how much water i drink, my throat is still dry. STILL DRY!! What the fuck meng? So, I am here sitting in my tornado stricken bedroom, typing away at this heft laptop, and trying to forget about my throat.

I had a scary day today..

I felt as if something was wrong in the world, and it was as if I did something wrong. Geese hissing at me, a random jamaican old man in a wheel-chair from across the street was telling me to fuck my mother… or more like “MUUDAAA!” -in a jamaican accent-

But yeah, that was it, but it just felt weird.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

My ex, still loves me. I thought I did too, but I dont. After seeing him last weekend I figured that out.He’s different. I don’t like when people change. It is okay to change, however don’t be someone you’re not. He.. is … not… into… rock music. He’s … apparently… into… white chicks now. Like.. HARD.

He doesn’t talk to black girls, other than me.

He thinks Jessica Simpson is the hottest girl in hollywood. Or at least one of the hottest. While his brother and I think Gabrielle Union is DAMN SEXY…


She is. Do not ever try to deny it.

My ex boyfriend has become someone I can never really enjoy talking to. He’s too different. I like rock, indie, metal, and shit… But I still have affection for people the same skin tone as me, I don’t discriminate.

We’re just. Different.

Too Different.

I can wholeheartedly say, I no longer love him. I just love the idea of someone loving me, and needing me to survive, and someone feeling as if I AM THE PART OF THEM THAT MAKE THEM WHOLE.

I miss that one part.

The part that makes me feel as if I am more than just another girl. I am their girl. Possibly the love of their life. I am what makes them get up in the morning. I am what makes them keep buying minutes for the phone.

I miss what it was like.

I dont miss him.

I miss the feeling of being united when we kissed.

That’s totally gone…

it just felt like i was kissing him, for the sake of something to do…

I hated it!

There was no heartbeat, and there was no need for more, there was no eye gazing and there was no passion. Not even lust.

Just air.


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