. two-hundred and six

4/02/2010 02:10:00 AM

i cant breathe anymore...


i feel paralyzed.

I cant think anymore
I cant smile anymore
I cant do anymore
I cant pretend...

and thats how i feel at these very moments.

I feel as if my life is going in a downward spiral and I can't escape from it. I feel like my being pulled, dragged, rushed down a tunnel of darkness.
I feel like life has gotten worse and worse with time and stress has built up to the rim of my cup and I am DROWNING in it.

I cant.
I should try...
but i feel like there is no way...

my grandma found my contraceptive..
she thinks im a whore.

no i have the stress of knowing my grandmother thinks im a whore everytime i enter the house...

but i am not.
fuck it though...

im upset at life.
cause it stabbed me.
it said i could be whoever i wanted to be if i reall was determined.
i was determined.
i tried so hard.
i feel like i tried so hard.
i feel like i burned my body trying.
i feel so dissapointed
in myself..

why is my life like this right now ?

i dont want to be left behind
i dont deserve it.

ive worked all m life
Ive been under stress since the age of six.
i never had ONE CHANCE to live an easy lfe...
a stress free envoroment
i have hardships everywhere i go.
and all this time i thought it would get better.
"it has to get better with time.."
now look at me.

failing at the present moment.

but im trying...
to the best my brain can manage right now.

my head is so full of shit.
i cant think!

I CANT THINK THOUGH!!

I dont know what it is...

i want my mommy.



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