12/30/2008 12:42:00 PM

Back when my ex-bf broke up with me. I really liked him, one of those young people things where you think its very borderline love, when it probably is Over the edge infatuation.
here it is:

* Mood: crazy melancholy.
* Listening to: nothing.
* Reading: nothing.
* Eating: nothing.
* Drinking: nothing. ("unfortunately...")

ON MY MIND @ zee MOMENT(besides "Yall goin make me lose mah mind up in hereah, up in hereah!" lmao)


So, before this I would always be all blank and shit... but then I remembered:
Thesauruses help me when I'm facing some serious emotional crap... cause i'm a loser and thats what losers do.

So here we go:
Ok... I think you get it.
I'm feeling emoo...haha.

I was only going to take one word, but ended up taking in a bunch.. since they all sounded just right.

Hence the stars on the perfect ones.

(Im only doing the starred ones cause.... well just cause!)

inconsolable unable to be consoled... it was pretty straight forward.
melancholy a gloomy state of mind or[ pensive(/deep) reflection or contemplation.]
despondent feeling or showing profound hopelessness or discouragement.
dreary dull or boring.
despaired To be overcome by a sense of futility(/uselessnes) or defeat.
Eventhough all those starred words were great... the one that really stands out for me right now is melancholy.

So now lets use that word to get to the -heart- of this... no pun intended.
har har.

When in a state of melancholy, you do a lot of thinking. Especially if there is a lot to think about. Though, sometimes you rather not think about it and move on to other things... there is always that moment you have to yourself in silence. Then it just sneaks up on you from behind and there you are in complete melancholy once again. Then you try to go somewhere with a friend, and they get the idea that your dreary, since you don't speak and all you do is nod your head.

Now your trying your hardest to explain to them the situation at hand, and trying to do that whole "it doesn't matter, I don't care...infact I could care less!" but really in your mind you're still pensively thinking you couldn't care more. But no one needs to know that. Even if they already do. They know because its obvious, and because its true. Cause how could someone who is normally so lively become such a shrew (definition: a woman of violent temper..)?
(hey, I just rhymed!)
But all you know is you didn't SAY it, you thought about it pensively while in your melancholy state, that you are still currently in.
Thats all that counts....

But still...
they try to console you and you hug and pat them on the back, though they don't know that you're inconsolable despondent and despaired.
But thats okay, they showed how much they cared...
and you see who your real friends are from the ones who did nothing just stood there and smiled.

But you already knew that one person was guile(definition: treacherous, cunning, deceiving).
Relieved, that nightmare of theirs was over...
You can't wait to screw that one over
Your goal is to be calm, and not let this effect your personality... trying not to become a shrew forever and let it just be a phase. Soon you'll feel better, even if it takes days.

(ok so I was trying to rhyme some more. After I rhymed the first time I just tried to rhyme some more...haha)

Now I should have done this long before... now i'm a bit more calm.



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