One of those Hard "aha!" Moments. ..

4/14/2013 12:21:00 AM

Firstly I'd like to admit that l am a dependant  Person. As in,  I took to others for strength if I respect and love them. which can have it's Pro's and Con's. l am being extremely realistic with myself as of late, especially since things have gotten harder and harder to just let slide past.

l  get comfort from knowing l am not alone, when I see that someone cares about my whereabouts and my mind. Even if I'm busy and I missed the call or didnt read a text right away... Just to know I've been checked on is a feeling of strength and and comfort. Especially in relationships. Though some People need to hear from thier partners cause of insecurity or overprotective-ness or What have you. I just like the communication and unity. l feel stronger when the unit is established. l am one to always show that this specific person is on my mind regularly... so seeing it reciprocated makes me feel special.

However, l am realizing that l shouldn't look to anyone to feel special. I shouldn't wait for recognition from anyone anymore. l never knew that I used to. I looked to friends, family, and  relationships. I thought a had a good head on that. Though after losing 99.9% of all my friends I'm realizing it goes deeper than romantic relations. It was with friends and family too. I shouldn't rely on someone checking on me to feel cared for. I should Check on My damn Self!

I should'nt wonder why a loved one Who knows l'm nearing a Mental Breakdown is okay with not looking to check my messages or check in for 3-4 hours- in order to feel Worth anyone's time. I'm done. I'm done with that now. I'm worth it. I'm a good person.I'm a loving person. I'M a human being and I need to find the worth inside me without the aid of anyone else. l know it's inside me. l am worth love, respect, and care. l also know that l must give back, and I do to the best of my ability even from afar.

I'm still a beautiful person. I'm still someone who gives what I can selflessly and loves Interacting with People. Even with my weight loss and violated personaI and mental space. l can be strong alone and with others. I am not helpless. I have what it takes to be a fucking independent badass motherfucker, who can achieve what I want if l make sure to put my mind to it. l choose to stand with others, but l definitely can work and find my Own Self worth without the aid of others. I'm not alone, but I need my Self more than ever right now.

I am me. l have always been. Evolving- every chance l get- to be a better me than I was Yesterday. To achieve more everyday. Until I reach MY goal.


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