(thoughts that are passing through my head)
11:16am
Im bloated.
I need to pee.
I need a cup of tea.
Hey, that rhymed!
Okay anyway...
So yesterday I went through my old posts and found the one with the messages me and "it" aka "island D" sent each other during the confrontation - that, when i think about it, never came to a good resolution.. then I took it even further and read through the old messages we sent each other while still in our relationship.
I don't know why..
I think I'm lost.... and for what reason?
Like this is all so silly, but I think the issue here is the lack of me letting it out.
WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING is to just talk about it.
I blog about it, but it isn't the same.
I hate keeping things bottled up, and thats what Im doing.
just to get it all off, i mean.. its all just in there, cause new things get to me.
and i notice small things.
I'm rambling.
I don't want to talk to anyone specifically, just someone who won't judge me.
Or say certain things but mean certain other things.
Why haven't I burned those photos of me and it yet?
I think I want to do it on new years.
I want to delete the messages on that day too.
I talked to hi- i mean 'it' the other day, I bet he(i meant 'it') thought I would stop him(fuck, I meant 'it' again) in the hallway to talk about something else.. but I asked him(urrgg 'it' ) to help my friend with her chemistry cause I don't get it.
He(It) passed me by in the hallway as I was at my locker and was all:
"sharifa" (i gave it an ugly colour.. lmao)
and i was at my locker and i said "hey.."
then he('it') was about to open the door to get into the library and I was like:
"hey, hey, hey.. wait!"
then he(it) turned around...
at that moment I could have chose so many topics to talk about maybe even gotten those answers to the questions why, what happened, how etc...
but instead I chose my friend over my curiosity and confusion and was like..
"anna's in there asking me about molecular mass and stuff. and uhh, i dont really know so I was wondering if you could help her..." I sort of smiled a bit, at me not knowing...
then it sort of released a bit of a laugh-ish thing and was like
"alright, i'll help her" or some shit like that.
would I change that moment?
No.
Why?
I don't know...
I wish I saw it's face better, my glasses were off.
just to see the reaction on its face - cause thats the first time I actually called after him('it'!!) since the departure.
His reaction seemed not too excited though..
who cares?
I think it was a big step for me...
being able to do that without a tint of hatred in my tone...
even though he tried the condom on my locker thing the week prior, and I know it was im or one of his friends, but.... I chose to be gentle and nice.
I asked my grandma if I could get a therapist, she said yes.
Now to find one...
adidas
My End Of The Semester Grade Boost Regimen.... 2 Texture Traumas...WEEZY WEE...How things are goons downs.
1/15/2009 05:50:00 PM
[my desktop background(random i know) ADIDAS]
[Janelle Monae, another of my faves]
* Mood:
* Listening to: Breathless by Corinne Bailey Rae
* Reading: n/a
* Eating: n/a
* Drinking: tea.
__________________________
ON MY MIND @ zee MOMENT (besides: ...)
__________________________
Ok peeps.
Exams are coming and first semester is coming to an end...your marks have been dropping just a bit, cause your lazy and sort of slacking off. What are you going to do to boost up your marks before exam time?
DO ALL THAT WORK AND HAND IT IN...
Thats what i do, i don't let anything get overdue, and everything that is over due i BEG and PLEAD for the to accept it. That is right.
I got it all planned out...its totally going to work...im about to start on another essay, thats due tomorrow, and then im going to study for a math test i missed and i am going to either ace it or high-B it.
YES I CAN....haha.
Alright moving on..i hate having two textures, now i know i may end up with even more textures after my bc but...
at least i'll be happy that i cut off the crap ends! Geez..
I better hurry and get my friend to help me with my kinky twists this weekend or something, cause she's going to Grenada soon, and i NEED help!! I tried doing it myself, and miserably.at least i'll be happy that i cut off the crap ends! Geez..
Anyways...
My friends are going to the Lil' Wayne concert today, i was suposed to go but...i dont like him enough to spend money to see him in concert...i only like two or three songs and im done.
A milli (its addictive, dont lie)
Crank That Weezy (its so stupid, that i love it for being so .. dumb)
lollipop (addictive)
I rather see someone interesting, like kanye west, common, the roots, n.e.r.d, erykah badu....like artists like those are artists that i am willing to put down a few hours of homework for. Cause those people do not come to Canada often. Which is weird, cause Canada is like...right there.
There's America, then Canada is like right there.
Life is so unfair to Canada.
minus the obvious Pros such as health care and civil rights(gays&lesbians) and so on and so forth.
I think this is will be where my blog posts will lessen from everyday to every other day....cause of exams and such. But next semester, all i have are art courses, minus my fourth period, which is physucs, which i may switch to something else.
My schedule is as follows:
Drama (1st)
Religion Arts// video production (2nd)
Music//Intrumental(3rd)
Physics(4rth)--but i may switch to Gym, im not sure, ill see how i feel about physics
Thats all i seem to have to say right now...
BY THE WAY: 5 followers? chyeahs.
<33
-Sharz!