It's a good and an awful thing. I mean, sure I get the work all done but then I am stressing my brain to get it all in before my life is turned into rubble. This week I edited and finished all my essays and requirements for my Non-academic requirements package that needs to be in by Tuesday. I was going to send it off today - because unlike many I still do not have a paying job (which seriously gets me aggravated cause I sort kinda NEED one.)- however, the stupid office (like many offices) is not open on weekends! So ... as always my life is always trying to toy with me and get me to loose my mind. Right? Yeah.

So my life sucks for a bit... again. Now I have to WAIT until Monday and loose school time in order to get all this bull DONE!

Can you believe the things I go through?

It's my fault, I know. I should've gotten it all out of the way ! Ok, ok I KNOW! I didn't and now I have to make sure I get all this stuff in or my life is in ruins.

--

Next problem:

I don't know how to think when I have an idea and it is clearly not the most beneficial one - but it is the one that will make me happy. I mean, sure living with my boyfriend is alright but I feel better living with either myself or with my best friend. I mean , yeah things are easier and the rent is itty bitty, but I really need to be either alone or in my own space. I am just being honest, I love him and yadda yadda yadda however, I cannot really take it much longer. I know he wants the best for me and to spend less money .... but I rather pay 100 or 150$ more for rent than be in here.

And that's saying something.

Besides all that, I cannot stand the roaches and the smell of his older brother who eats McDs every day (or every other day) and either or bother of them always peeing on the seat .... resulting in me sitting in piss by accident almost every couple days. Unless I look it over and wipe it off with Lysol. Which, if I may add, IS VERY ANNOYING. I can't take smells that smell like Ass, Penis cheese or belly flap sweat OK! It's not something I can do... I can do it for a day or so.... but I will never want to live in that mess. I can't tell my boyfriend this, cause I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Another thing I can't tell him, is that even though he spends most of his time playing video games and works 3 times a week - I still need to be away. I want to be free to breathe in my own space. Of course I want him around... but I want my stuff around and the ability to just go to the kitchen and know that almost 100% of what is in the fridge is mine.

Instead of zero - 2%.

I just think moving into my own apartment and being able to bring my friends over ever now and then without having to ask if its okay, being able to walk around in my underpants or whatever.

I mean, it is hard to live your own lifestyle under someone else's roof you know? It isn't just HIS house. His mom and brother live there with him. I don't want to be rude, but I just don't fit in as much as my boyfriend says I do. It just doesn't work.