ouijevis //

So!

Okay, I am back trying to be on this blog again. I have fixed it up to make it reflect who I am NOW.
I mean, I started this blog in 2008 or something, and didn't change much until now. All I changed was the font and the banner (once)... This time, though it may seem as though I just changed up a few minor things. However... I fiddled around with a whole bunch of shit, to the point where - I am not even sure if it was fruitless or not..

...

Anyway, enough about the boring re-vamp nonsense. I mean, the only troubling thing is that I have changed my URL. Thus, everyone who had me on their blog as a link ...will have the wrong damn blog. So.. I probably should have thought that out. I was just so excited I didn't even think about it. You know? So, that is why I said "Started From The Bottom"..haha.

I used to blog from everywhere, the Library. The House. The bus. So I am going to try and do that again, mind you it is a little difficult cause Blackberry's browser is on some NEXT SHIT completely. Which brings me to how I want to operate this blog now that I am a YOUNG ADULT now. I will try my best to uh  - not swear as much. You know, this blog is a reflection of me and who I am outside of a professional setting so I will work on not swearing as much as I used to. Maybe this blog will become a lot more presentable that way. I will attempt to use other words in the dictionary and thesaurus in order to express myself.

-sigh-

My hair about a year ago in braids.

In other news.
My hair is .... in need of some serious TLC.
I am talking about a trim, deep condition and cuddle. I have gone through a lot man. Braids. A hair cut. Haircut growing out and getting tangled. Twists and now it is in a fro again.

My haircut after I deep conditioned and trimmed it. Uncle Funky's is a pretty sweet product. (April '12)

My twists done in November '12

I have not really tried out any new products. I am really really low on cash - I know I used to complain about not having a job and needing cash before, but NOW? Now it is worse cause I got bills and debts and shit to pay...and my last pay-cheque was 26 bucks. Thus, THE STRUGGLE IS REAL FOLKS. I have just been using the Organic Root Stimulator Olive Oil Hair Lotion with Shea Butter. It is not working the best for me, but its what I can afford right now - sadly.

me now...

So, that is all I have to say right now.
I will try and be on this at 2-3 times a week if not every day.
I will talk to you all later!

Catch me on these other sites for more updates!
TUMBLR: www.ouijevis.tumblr.com
TWITTER; www.twitter.com/ouijevis
INSTAGRAM: sharzonthis
YOUTUBE: ohemgeethatisjokes OR NicoleVism

PEACE, LOVE & TEA!

BUT...

Its not. So I am thinking about totally revamping this entire blog and making it spanking brand new.

sidenote- I am fucking hungry  and if my grandma keeps making fish whenever I come over I am going to explode..

So as I was saying...
Here I am .. and I am feeling like  - I dont use this shit anymore because its not...what I like anymore.

SO !!

I will turn it into what I like..

Do people actually think about their future?
Do they actually care to think deep into what they aspire to do or be?

I know I do.

I aspire to do a lot with my life. I want to do everything that makes me happy and still have the ability to live a life I have always wanted. Is it wrong of me to want specific things? Are specific things a way to "hinder" my progression? Are having "standards" a bad thing?

Is having a long term goal going to make me narrow minded?
Is wanting a specific thing so detrimental to my life? Or to my progress? Or to my pathway towards opportunities? It's not like I have a closed mind...

It's not as if I don't have the mind to look into new things.
It's just that at the end of the day, I want to be able to have what I've always wanted. I still want to look back on everything I have and think of how I got to that point. Yes, I did a whole bunch of other shit, but I am here now and this is what I've wanted all my life.

What's wrong with that?

Is there something terrible about that?

I think as long as I have the willingness to take opportunities, risks, chances and different routes to my final destination...

I do not see an issue.

Hello!
I am back at the granny's crib.
Nothing much have changed here. She's still a pain in my ass.
However that is beside the point. The point is... I am going to be here in order to start some weight gain.

I have lost a lot of weight the last few months. So I'm trying to gain it back. The only way I can do that, it seems - is to be back where there is LOADS of home cooked Jamaican food.

Some people think I'm lucky to have lost all my thickness. However, I loved the way I poked and maintained my body so that I can continue to love myself. I had confidence and I had my own attitude along with my curves that fit me very well. Yeah, sometimes I had wished my breasts were larger. However I regret all that now. I swear when I get my weight back.. I will never wish against my body again.

Ever ever ever ever again.

A lot of my confidence has gone down since my weight loss.
I feel unattractive. I feel lazy. I sometimes don't even want to go to the gym. I don't really feel like dancing as much. I don't feel as happy as I used to. I sometimes subconsciously compare myself to my old body or even other bodies - which I never ever used to do. I couldn't have cared less about comparing myself to other bodies when I was thicker.

I had no worries. Even if an ass was bigger than mine, I knew
That my ass was good enough for me. I was happy and I loved myself and it showed.

Now I'm embarrassed to even be naked sometimes.

So I decided I can't just "wait and see" anymore. I need to actively make a change in my life towards getting thick again. So I'm back at my grandma's for a week to see if I get some weight gain. I'm hoping it works and trying to just stay positive - which is only a little difficult when I'm on my period... And dying of cramps. Just a bit.

But I want this very badly. I feel like I need this.
I will keep trying until I get there.

I'm just trying to see myself and love myself again. Cause it starts with me. I need to really love me for me to spread that love vibe all over my life.

I'm not depressed or anything really. I'm still happy enough to be in love and laugh and enjoy things. However, I can't help but have it at the back of my mind, you know?

So..

That's that.
I'm going in on this food eating shit!

Have a Happy Holiday people!

PCE, LVE & FRESHFOOD!

Soon..

I just have a few more things to say, about shit that isn't all that relevant...to hair and all that other stuff that I'm supposed to be talking about. It's my blog and I will do whatever I want to. Damnit.

So...

I don't have any words of wisdom anymore. I don't know a lot of jackshit. I do know that I have a lot about myself that is definitely not perfect. The worst of me has been brought out due to a lot of things in my life that has gone wrong or sour or whatever. So I have not really felt qualified to give my two-cents on anything about life.

Any philosophies.
Any advice.
Any opinions.

Anything really. Except hair and shit.

I'm slowly working to rise above it youth and it has been working for the most part. I feel anyway...

I am ....like a bird I wanna fly away.
Sorry, I had to. Haha, it just seeped through my main thoughts and took over. Song had been in my head.

Anyway back to this... So...
With the the things that have been coming to the surface. All the flaws that have been given to me to look at... I guess I am feeling like a broke person sometimes which makes me lose interest in sharing my ideas with others or anything ...

For the most part I know that this may just be a perfect example of self destruction- and making myself feel invalid due to all the s flaws I have.

Should I have not have had extreme confidence in myself though? I wasn't cocky. I just knew myself enough to not get jealous or insecure over things that had nothing much to do with me. If I had a certain body type... And someone else had a certain body type ... I wasn't jealous or insecure in the slightest . I was actually happy for them. I sang their praises for the Huge Ass they may have had. I gave them props for being able to hold up those massive breasts that they have. I would tell them how pretty I thought they were...and we'd exchange words of encouragement especially as black girls who just want to stick together and be there for each other and shit.

I never had an issue sharing the light
So I think as long as you are confident but not a complete jerk about it. It should be okay. Kind of like, laughing at people. I felt like it was alright in moderation as long as one can laugh at themselves too. Which I had been very much able to do.

I guess I have just given my opinions and ideas then... Haha.

Well, I'm done that train of thought for now. I can't think too far into at the present moment. There are just a lot of things I want to think and get a feel about.

I have a pretty big list.

New Years Resolution #2: Speak & Ask.
I wanna start blogging and vlogging again.
I want I create this time. Like actually create better videos with concepts and better editing and more captivating shit.


PCE, LVE&FRESH AIR!

So, you know that shit about how people shape the future they want by "imagining it happening to them." Or some shit? You know, that whole "the secret" thing?

I shall tell you that ... Sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't. I mean. Sometimes I catch myself thinking of something I'd want to happen, and then when it comes into fruition, I am standing there astonished at how powerful my mind MAY be.

Or maybe I'm just extremely tired right now, and I don't even realize I'm making NO sense.

It's just that ... Some of the time, things happen and I feel like it was either fate - and regardless of what I think, it was bound to happen. Or it's actually my mind power! It's hard to doubt that, when there are events that could not have been caused by anything else. I currently cannot think of any instances in particular where this has happened, but it has definitely happened a few times.. Where I remember standing and thinking "Maybe I am a mega mind!"

Well anyway, I thought I would wanna use this "MegaMindPower" to shape out my future. Not telling anyone anything, I just want it to sit in my mind and grow and grow... And maybe that will give it the oomf that it needs to become a reality.

Or do I sound ridiculous?

I don't know. Sometimes I think I'm making sense, and sometimes I think I'm not.

However, things make perfect sense in my mind. I would love to really start thinking and moving towards my life goals. Reaching where I want to reach and being happy and fulfilled right there. I know I belong right there. My calling is right there. My future is right there. And that's what I'm striving for.

Maybe you should just try it.
Just try imagining yourself in a situation you'd want to be in, in the nearest future. Like sometime later this month. Make it realistic. None of that " I can see myself with a million dollars!" shit, when you don't even do anything at all that can get you a million dollars. You don't play the lotto and you don't work anywhere that would give you that kinda money... So let us be reasonable.

Also, don't leave it up to "The Cosmos" or anything. You have to -once again - be realistic with this. Don't just imagine getting something or doing something. You have to also imagine the process... Like how on earth you would go about making that happen, or how you would respond, or some type of connection that you may have had with the event. You need to remember that you play a role in all of your experiences. So... Yeah.

It's harder said than done to be honest. But I'm trying to describe this the best way I can. Try it out though. Meh.. Maybe I'm just hungry and tired.

PCE, LVE&FRESH AIR !!