. one-hundred and twenty-one (Old Garbage / Old Treasures haha)

7/02/2009 02:03:00 PM

Look what I found!

I used to blog but I never really understood it as much... so I'd accidentally make a new blog EVERYDAY...thinking that was blogging. LOL.

I AM NOT SELF-CENTRED....I think.....

  • Aug. 27th, 2008 at 1:24 AM

So i was on the phone with my boyfriend today, and we were just talking and hen kind of out of no where he says, "nothing matters to you but you, all that matters in the world is you. I'm not important, its all about you."
And i was like...
"What? How could you say that?"
And he just kept going about how 'self-centred" i am.
I try my best to make people happy. I mean theres a difference between taking shit and being mannerly and sweet.
So his phone battery died, and he called me back 10 mins later saying "Im calling to make sure your not mad...cause you're important..." and i got even more pissed off and decided to say "Yeah, well i am pissed off, but i dont even want to tell you cause then that would make me sound SELF CENTERED, me telling you whats on my mind is SELF CENTRED! so i dont really feel like talking to you right now, eventhough me saying how i feel is SELF CENTRED, so i'm going to get off the phone....bye."

So after that i decided to ask my gandma if im self-centred, and she said YES!

so that got me thinking.....
am i self-centred?

As we know, selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of alcoholism, so says the big book.

But how do you know when you are self centered....how do you tell if you are unconsciously behaving in self or aka "All about me-ness"?

I went on the internet to check and found out that there are 3 ways to tell:

1. Always angry - at everything and everyone. No one has done you right. the world has F* you over again and they can all go to he**.

2. Worried/fearful: What will I lose? What wont I gain that I want? Fear, fear, fear.

3. Always hurting others. Thoughtlessly and apathectically not thinking of anyone else and bestowing hurt upon others.

And i thought about it....

and i think i may be a tad self-centred.
i dont want to be alcoholic. -cries-

So i went on the internet and searched on ways to stop being so "all about me-ish"!!
Although, I don't think of myself as self-centered. When I'm around other people, I generally try to ask them questions about themselves and to talk about topics that are of interest to others. I do enjoy talking about myself and my experiences, but I try not to monopolize conversations.

The thing is, I infrequently forget how other people respond to the questions I ask, and this can be embarrassing.

Here's a recent example: "What did you do on your vacation?" I ask this as part of small talk and then somehow, just a few hours later, I find myself asking again. When the person starts answering, immediately it rings a bell and I realize I had actually heard the answer already. Then I feel like a jerk for having forgotten (and wonder if the other person thinks I'm a jerk, too). Another common example is asking where someone is from and then immediately forgetting...or forgetting that a friend told me he is sick with a cold.

Judging from experience, I think if I were speaking with someone who was a romantic interest, I [would] remember. But even with very close friends, I'll forget things they tell me that I really should remember, like the example above of being sick.

I [want] to pay more attention to what people say to me, and to remember. I just don't know how to make myself pay more attention/not forget.

heres whay i found:
When someone says something, repeat it back to them and try to think of a question you are interested in about it. By making yourself repeat the response, and think about it enough to ask a question, you'll commit it to memory better.
1. When Bob says, "I went to Switzerland," try to personalize it by relating it to your life somehow. Hmm. I've never been there. That's where they have the famous Swiss banks. I just saw a documentary about them..." This can help with conversation, too. "Oh, cool, Bob! Did you open an account in a Swiss bank?"

2. This is a bit more extreme, but you could try keeping a journal and writing notes in it after returning from a social event: "Bob went to Switzerland; Amy just got divorced..." You could go over these notes from time to time.

You: "Where did you go on your vacation?"
Joe: "I went to Aruba!"
You: "Aruba? Where on Aruba did you stay?"

Don't ask questions unless you're interested in the answers. This should go a long way.

Fight the Good Fight: Small talk stops with you.


3) Be A Good Host

Whenever you have guests over, be a good host. Make your guests feel as though your home is their home and above all else, make them feel welcomed.

Remember to do the usual - ask if they want a drink, if they'd like to snack on anything, if you can put away their coat. This makes others feel as though you are putting their comfort before your own comfort.

It is that repeated concern for others that people will remember and will help make it less likely they will think of you as being self-centered.

Well, thats about it.
I hope i can do these things, cause im feeling really bad about it, and i dont want friendships lost ver this, and i dont want to lose my boyfriend over this stupid crap either.

thanks for reading.




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