i came across an old thing this afternoon.
it wasn't really old, probably a couple months.
a piece of paper.
green writing
it said "I"
with a dot beside it...

anyone else who skimmed through my binder and saw that wouldn't see the significance.
and the days that followed that day of the paper were truly magnificent.
to never really know what admiration truly feels like...
to look at couples in the halls and streets in your very own family and not quite understand...
and finally understand at such a weird time.
at such a spontaneous moment.

where you now can comprehend the meaning of "Love Is Blind"
and "Beauty is in the eyes of the Beholder"
but for it to end with a frequent cold shoulder...
makes it feel like you've been crushed by a 15 000 pound boulder.

you've been fucked over.

possibly not intentionally.
and you try to work your way around the facts to understand...
when did things slip from my hands?
when did something so emotionally, spiritually, and very much physically strong
break into pieces like dry soil crushed under your thumb?

i don't do poems.
i don't do crying.
i don't do melancholy.

but this little shit has been so drastic.
such a quick punch at my soul.
i really don't think i'll ever be whole.

wishing, praying, hoping...
all faith is lost.
its never going to be the same.
i should stop playing that whole toughen up game.

no matter how much i just want to move the fuck on...
its like my heart cant seem to get it in full....that its over, done...
but the lies have won.

Cause it seems to me, the my heart will be
the last to know about the break up of you and me.

its still thinking that was a joke..
and is still remembering the last time we spoke.

blocking out the bad and still only seeing the good.
filtering out the sad and using your memories in this cold winter as firewood.

Deep down though, i think my heart knows...
whenever its around yours of course,
that its definitely over, and no ones starting over.

Waste of life to wait for time..

and just when i thought it had come to a fix
i'll soon see you in physics.